**Disclaimer: this post was written so fast and was not proof read.
WEEK THREE:
Sorry for being lazy and not doing a proper recap this week. Week 3 indulged us with FOUR FULL HOURS OF THE BACHELORETTE! I’m so glad that it was almost completely focused on Chad – also it seems that a #teamchad has started.
Just to brag to everyone in our draft, a few I ventured out to the Buckhead bars and found James Taylor (yes the ultra-nice singer songwriter) and listened to him sing about JoJo and Chad. Yes, he actually changed the words to Taylor Swifts Mean to include Chad’s name. It was glorious.
He also told a great story about one of the first nights in the house when he realized Chad was a super freak. Apparently, he woke up to a terrifying crunchy/scratchy noise at 3 am and thought there was an animal in the room. He fetched a flashlight (as he confirmed no cell phones are allowed in the house) to find none other than CHAD. DUH-DUH-DUUUUHHHHH!!!
Apparently, Chad likes to chew ice for 20 minutes every night before going to sleep to work on his angular jaw. LIKE WHAT!?! I didn’t even know jaw work outs were a thing. Not that I’m that surprised, Chad is the guy who we constantly see eating meat and counting calories and has veins popping out of his muscles.
As far as the episode went, we saw the boys awkwardly (and sometimes hilariously) tell sexual stories on stage. We saw this hilarious number
we saw JoJo send home a slightly surprising group (how did she keep Daniel and Evan and send home St. Nicholas?). Chase seems normal and would totally fly under the radar except for the fact that he is the most beautiful man currently on the show. Evan gets a nose bleed (maybe he needs a humidifier in his room). Producers worked hard to make Chad seem like a mega monster. Alex tattled on him, as we all knew would happen, and Alex won the rose on the two on one date.
WEEK FOUR:
I’m majorly disappointed in the lack luster departure of Chad. I was hoping for a fight or some tears. I am curious about who decided Chad’s protein powder could be used as ashes and then decided to have a funeral with them. I’m sure it was one of the producers, but these guys seemed way to hammed up to throw protein powder off a deck.
I was most sad to see Daniel go. I mean, he lasted 4 weeks longer than I expected him too, but I feel like under that “lambo” exterior of his laid a good heart and an airy brain.
The crew moves to Uruguay and everyone hates that JoJo so clearly loved Jordan. Jordan gets the first date and we watch JoJo transform into an 8th grade girl who is afraid her crush doesn’t like her and blindly believes everything he says. All is well and it is “the best date ever!!!”. Meanwhile, back at the hotel the boys get hold of In Touch (which any reasonable celebrity stalker knows is full of lies and you can only trust People) magazine and cause a scene and JoJo cries and swears she’s here for the right reasons (remember Desiree’s rap video in season 9?). Robby gets a one-on-one date and I spend 15 minutes waiting for his voice to drop. He tells a heart felt story about his best friend and how he dumped his girl friend and moved cross country and how he suddenly is totes in love with JoJo (how recently did you really dump that girl, eh Robby?).
Now, without a common enemy, without a cast villian, what (or who) is the glue that will keep them together? A common friend? A hero? A whiny boy who wears tank tops and complains about needing special attention? And just like that we all hate Derek. Also, is it me or do all Derek’s kind of look the same?
Grant and his very masculine chin take a bow, and Evan weeps like a little girl when it’s time to finally go.
Now, fill out your mid season draft and pick yourself up a Chase or a Luke or a Jordan or a James or a Robby or whoever.
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